Hmmmm.
Since I am no longer giving the Clemens ordeal any of my already limited brain capacity to devote to blogging, debating, or even just the mere thought of... I figured that Jay would of already laid in to "The Roidket" (as he calls him,) by now.
Nothing yet? Hmmmm. Well hold on to your hats because I am sure it is coming. I guess the dude is thwarting off manga-teens and pointing people in the direction of Josh Groban's new album. Or he is like me and just woke up from the coma inducing bowl season we just wrapped up. Boy, what a let down those were...
Should of been LSU and Georgia. It should really be a playoff. But you have a better chance of seeing the former before the latter, and that is still a snowball's chance.
Ok. Well- everyone have a good what's left of the week. Keep checking back for JD's impending tirade and I'll be back later on this weekend with a gaming gem. A LTTP Bioshock review...
You kids be good now.
Well... Sunday came and went. As I was sitting there at the bar at Dennis' watching the Clemens interview with my wife and in-laws I found that what I stated weeks ago had occurred.
I don't care.
Did he do it? Is he lying? My mother-in-law seems to be in her neighbor Roger's corner. But, she also thinks that T-Mac and Yao are a formidable duo in the NBA... so she is suspect. I did not get my father-in-law's take, but he bleeds pinstripes. My wife could, much like myself, give two shits. But she did not care from the onset. I personally think that if he went so far as to file a defamation lawsuit and is willing to testify in front of Congress under oath gives him more ground than his trainer right now.
He did come off as a whiny lil' bitch in the interview though. 25 years and we don't give you benefit of the doubt? Boo hoo Roger. Why don't you wipe your tears on one of the millions of dollars you have made in your career throwing a ball at a high velocity? That is all you do sir. Oh yeah- Rog, way to kinda sorta maybe retire again for the fourth time. You are aware that there is not a Cooperstown record for THAT right?
You don't cure anything. You don't fight anything. You don't put your life on the line for anything or anyone. You serve us, the general public, to entertain us by throwing a ball and participating in a GAME. That is it. Nothing more- nothing less. The only difference between you and Charlie Sheen is the fact that he is actually entertaining to watch. If you cheated you cheated. So be it. I don't care.
This scandal, along with the sheer brilliance of your boy Bud at the helm, has done nothing but tarnish baseball further (not that it needed any help getting out of that strike laden hole it had been attempting to get out of or anything...) and confirm the national pastime as FOOTBALL. 'Roids help bring the game back with the homerun chase. Now they are about to ruin the sport for what could be years to come.
Roger, good luck in your fight to clear your name. I wish you the best. But I blame you and everyone else under suspicion for ruining the game I grew up loving and wanting to participate in on your level. Why? Because everyone rode the cronnieism bus to Bigstown by turning a blind eye to the matter (George W. and Bud- I'm looking at you...) and allowing it to fester into the shitstorm of a hurricane that has now manifested in the Gulf in the way of the Mitchell Report. If you guys had nipped this in the bud (no pun intended,) back when this first reared it's ugly head- you might not be in position you are in now. But it is to late for it now. Now- everyone and their mother is getting thrown under that bus that you were all so happily riding all through the nineties...
Sucks don't it?
Well- at least your ongoing drama will be more entertaining than the Astros' season. Come on Dynamo! Do you think that perhaps your PR work with the 'stros could include beating the shit out of McClain? The words youth, farm, and talent don't exist in that codger's vocabulary. The city would thank you kindly. Juiced up or not. I don't really think we'd care at this point either.
Sunday is going to a be a pretty interesting day for Roger Clemens' legal staff. They'll be scouring every utterance in the upcoming 60 Minutes interview to see if something other than a needle filled with Decadurabolin can come back to bite him in the ass. As I wrote before here a few days ago (which now seems to be surfacing on the major sports sites today. Wierd. It's not like I didn't just rip that shit from an MLB sponsored website.), McNamee is going to take legal action against the Roidcket if he spouts the same bullshit he's been spouting since the Mitchell Report broke.
But wait, the journalistic savior known as Mike Wallace will surely ask the hard hitting questions and won't hesitate to make Roger squirm. Right? Well, Gene Wojciechowski of Espn.com doesn't think it's gonna turn out that way. Or at least he has an inkling Wallace will not cave to his bro-mantic feelings for Clemens. And I completely agree.
Wojo thinks it might end up a little like this (oh and props to a sports writer not named Bill Simmons for dropping ridiculous pop-culture references in the middle of a rant. More of you fuckers need to start doing that):
Wallace: "Remember that time in 1998, when you were pitching for the Toronto Blue Jays, and you started 6-6, and then all of a sudden you finished 14-0 for the rest of the season, and your ERA dropped from 3.27 to 2.29, and that guy McNamee was your trainer?"
Clemens: "Yeah. So what?"
Wallace: "That was awwwwwwsome."
Mike Wallace is pretty much the brother from another mother to Suzyn Waldman. Anyone who spends that much time in Darth Steinbrenner's luxury suite in the Bronx should really not be the one to interview someone with the same bonerific affection for the Evil Empire (remember kids, the Roidcket won't show up for his now iffy Cooperstown induction if he ain't got a Yanks hat on the plaque). Apparently, when Clemens and his attorney's were trying to figure out who could suck his dick, stroke his ego and never think to question his bullshit defense (B-12 and a painkiller) they WERE going to go with Waldman. Of course, they realised that something like this might happen and that would only exacerbate the absurdness that is to appear onscreen.
Here are mine and how they presently pan out. I don't claim to be a music aficionado. I'm the game / tech nerd guy around here. I love music, but I'm not the uberfan of the unheard of, unknown greatness like Jay. These are in no particular order. Here you go:
1. Sex, Love, and Rock and Roll- Social Distortion. They are my favorite of all time next to Zeppelin and Marley (if that is not the musical trifecta of a drunken stoner...) I am glad to see them back in the studio with what is perhaps their best album since Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell. Not as good as their Self Titled ("Ball and Chain,""Ring of Fire," "Story of My Life"...) but damn close. Now if Mike and the gang would just tour outside of SoCal. Choice Cut: "Don't Take Me For Granted".
2. Whiskey on a Sunday- Flogging Molly. I know there is Live Behind the Green Door, but this is WAY better. Dave King may look like Timothy Bussfield, but he is as Dubblin as they come- and has no problem getting sloshed to rock. For anyone new to the wonderment that is Flogging Molly, or anyone who just LOVES them (like me,) this CD/DVD combo is a great look into the pub-filling popularity they began with that has evolved into the arena packing events that are FM shows. There is a good chance that your's truly will be getting tatted up with the boys when they come through town in March. Stop reading this right now and go to Cactus (they are back- so support 'em,) and buy this. Now! Choice Cut: "Black Friday Rule"
3. Radiohead- In Rainbows. Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere, then you might of heard that Thom and the boys are back. This album does not get a vote of confidence from the crowd that left in mass exodus after OK Computer. Why? Because this album takes the experimental interludes and unknown songs from the afore mentioned tours (Kid A and a massive North American hiatus included,) and melds them into the synthetic synthesized goodness that is In Rainbows. No it is not a return to Pablo Honey. No it does not sound like The Bends. Nothing that they have done recently, or anything they will do will ever sound like that again. Yorke and Greenwood have clearly stated this. Sorry. Choice Cut: "All I Need"
4. Systematic Chaos- Dream Theater. It is at this point where JD and I finish our pints, exit, shake hands outside the Pub called Musical Tastes, and head our separate ways. I am a fan of prog. rock/ metal. I am a former metal head. Metal begot punk, so there is a link in that regard (the Enlightenment occurred my freshman year in high school.) These fellas have opened for Maiden and have had Metallica (back when Metallica was still relevant) open for them. They have the chops and have paid their dues. As a former drummer, I put Mike Portnoy up there as one of the best drummers of all time. He's no Bonham, Moon, or Peart, but he is DAMN good. I guess with American Idiot, Green Day opened the floodgates on the anti-current administration concept albums, and now everyone has to follow suit. This is their's. This is not a fault of the album and, unless you research the lyrics, ostensibly you can't tell this from just listening to the music. Eighteen albums in a twenty-two year career. Chalk up another solid release for the boys from Boston. Choice Cut: "The Dark Eternal Night"
5. Graduation- Kanye West. Though he’s lyrically as petulant and immodest as ever, Kanye West held out until Graduation to pull out the stops on his production powers. These aren’t just unique rhyming twists or spot-on guest appearances, it’s West shining as a composer. As grand as Graduation is, though, speculation as to what he may do next almost overshadows all the new worlds he explores here. Almost, but not exactly. Choice Cut: "Flashing Lights." The "Harder Better Faster Stronger" Daft Punk samplefest is brilliant as well.
6. Random Spirit Lover- Sunset Rubdown. Spencer Krug is the greatest living songwriter—or at least the songwriter whose songs are the most alive. And with Sunset Rubdown, as with Wolf Parade and any of the other 34 bands he’s currently in, he’s making music that strikes a chord so deep within you that it first weakens your knees, then brings you to them. But what of the other dozen or so albums he releases every year? It’s true that his output rivals that of a Toyota plant. Even when he misses—which is rare—the results are spectacular. And every song here hits its mark. Choice Cut: "The Courtesan Has Sung"
7. Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga- Spoon. If Spoon is a band that simply has great taste, their selection of aesthetics -- both in terms of production and performance -- are reflections of that taste. This is a great record because the band making it is selective enough to allow only choice sounds to float to the surface. To wit, I remember being in my wife's truck when "I Turn My Camera On" came on the radio, (90.1 FTW!!!) The crackly noise at the end was clarified shortly afterwards during a short interview with Britt Daniels: "I don't know, it's just something I came up with on my computer. That part felt like it needed something." That little insight doesn't change or invalidate that he felt that the song needed something, and it did, and he put something in, and it sounds awesome. Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga has about three thousand of these moments, waiting to have a drop cloth torn down to reveal that they're exactly what you suspected they were all along. As a band, Spoon is absolutely fascinating and engrossing. They have a sound that grabs you and does not let go until the last track is over. Then and only then, do you hit play again. Especially in this case. Austin's music scene is wrecked with wannabes and cover bands that think they are the second coming of these cats. Stop trying please. I have had enough of that. I cannot get enough of this album though. Choice Cut: "Don't You Evah"
8. Cease to Begin- Band of Horses. BoH proves in their follow up to Everything All the Time (EATT) moving cross country and losing founding member Mat Brooke... all is not lost. The bottom vid is for "The Funeral" which is found on EATT. I actually discovered these guys earlier this year by playing a video game. They are on the soundtrack of the equally impressive EA release, skate.. I entered the Regs skate shop in the game and heard "The Funeral" for the fist time. That's all it took. The melodic voices and soft muted tones of the melodies are a stark contrast to the garage-y / backwoods look of the boys. They are a band full of playoff beards. Then you hear the rest of their arsenal. Solid guitar driven succulent harmonies abound. I must not be alone. They are featured in a car commercial now. Hell- it worked for JD's gal Feist. The top vid is for "Ode to LRC" from Cease to Begin. Damn catchy tune too. Additional kudos, they have a damn fine website as well. Props to their webmaster. Choice Cut: Previously stated from EATT: "The Funeral." Cease to Begin: "Ode to LRC"
9. †- Justice. (Had to copy and paste that one. You try to find the "†" key!) The album is otherwise known as Cross to the uninitiated. As someone who inherently, due to predisposed DNA configurations within my genetic code,
hates any and all things French- I excuse this duo. Any band that makes a song about the King of Pop and dedicates it to the lusus naturae that is Michael Jackson is a winner in my book. D.A.N.C.E. (the tribute,) is a highpoint in this rather franticly inconsistent fuzz and fluster fit of an album. Niche? Yes. Good? Yes. Epileptic seizures inducing? Yeah, just take your meds before ingesting this wonder. Choice Cut: Stress. You sample Devo, you win.
10. The Soundtrack to Rock Band. Is this a cop out? WTF?!?! No- I can think of plenty albums to put here(Icky Thump, Neon Bible, Children Running Through, 8 Diagrams, Float, Back to Black...) but being that I am the uberfan of the gaming realm for this site, I had to give props to my pick for Game Of The Year. It just so happens it is the best music/ rhythm game ever made that touts a solid soundtrack. With even more songs coming weekly for download via Xbox Live. So, I find that it can squeak in here. With offerings from every decade possible, the game has managed to really bring together mainly original songs (with some covers,) that make for the best soundtrack to a game that I have seen since GTA Vice City. From the blistering solos in "Green Grass and High Tides" by the Outlaws, to the spot on drumming required for "Blackend" by Metallica, the game puts you on stage and to the test. This experience is only multiplied infinitely when you are with your friends. At $179.00, it is definitely the must expensive offering on my list. But, as I have stated previously- it is worth every penny. All 17,900 of them. Choice Cut: It was "Gimme Shelter" until last night. Then I played "N.I.B." Rock on!
That's it. Now let the illegal file sharing commence!
I really like John Cusack as an actor, freaky no talent sis and all. If there was ever going to be a movie made about my oh so average doldrum life I'd want John to play me. I loved Say Anything just like everyone else at the time. I loved Being John Malkovich, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (my wife's favorite movie,) Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity, The Grifters, True Colors, Stand by Me, One Crazy Summer, The Thin Red Line, the best film he ever did- Better Off Dead ("I want my two dollars!",) Sixteen Candles... I could go on and on. He did have that WTF stint in '01 with Serendipity and America's Sweethearts though, among some other polished turds in his career. But I still admire him though.
The girl in the video conducting the interview, like most film students (I should know- I was one,) is a pretentious all-knowing (in her own mind,) twat. Only problem is she has somehow confused John Cusack for Kevin Spacey. How on God's green earth you manage to do this is beyond me. Maybe after two bottles of Meridia, some Lipitor and a four pack of Red Bulls and a shot of Jager...but, really? Really?
HE SAID NO THE FIRST TIME!!! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND?
And mad props to him. You can tell he is a little pissed with the body language and tone...but golf clap sir. That dingy twit was wasting your time and you held it together. He could of been an absolute jerk, but he kept his cool. I think a Crowe-esque phone bashing of her cranium would of spiked the hits of this on YouTube to epic proportions and been absolutely merited. But the show of restraint is nice.
I have been in that broad's shoes for junkets. You get like 30 seconds to ask the same damn questions that they just got done answering from the last schlep that asked them, and they don't want to be there as much as you do. This is not the time for you to flaunt your clearly ignorant and vastly unknowing catalog of a said actors movie career. I'd think he'd know if he'd been in a movie or not. Pretty good source if you ask me. Why don't you ask him how is was to work with Spielberg as a kid on ET? Or how he felt dancing in Footloose would typecast him for the rest of his career? No. I got it! Ask him how it felt to play Johnny Cash, and if that was really him singing! You are FILM STUDENT! Kudos Cusack. Although I think you should of throttled the broad. Not to knock Spacey (Usual Suspects is celluloid gold,) but come on chick... know your stuff before you sit down.
This is not Ms. South Carolina caliber, but it is pretty good.
Enjoy kids...
Oh...and so you all don't think that my current man crush is in fact John (it's not, that title is being held steady by Jason Lee, as it has been for YEARS...) Spacey can out act Cusack any day, anywhere, any time. I'd taken what happened as a compliment.
10. The Pipettes - We Are the Pipettes
Sure, I heard this about two years ago and have been preaching its brilliance ever since. However, it was unleashed on an undeserving (and ultimately uncaring) American public in 07, so I will further pimp it here. The Pipettes debut LP may be far from perfect (it's the production that kills it. Synth strings just suck) but the gals golden voices more than make up for the neo-tech fuck ups.
9. Feist - The Reminder
Despite it's proliferation on iTunes commercials this is an exquisitely crafted pop album with raw tunes that don't need any fluff to the make it nice and comfy.
8. Career Suicide - S/T
Holy shit, a hardcore album that is acutally true to the roots of the genre instead of just giving them lip service in pseudo-rap hyperbole! There is no talk about crews, being hard, or policing your scene on this record. And every motherfucking hardcore band on this Earth needs to etch that psalm into their fresh tattoos like it came from the Bible written by HR.
7. P.J. Harvey - White Chalk
So, apparently she took a year off songwriting to teach herself how to play piano. I don't buy it. I think she started fucking Nick Cave again and from his ensuing spunk being laid all up in her snizz this album happened. It's awesome and I thank you, Mr. Cave.
6. The Woggles - Rock 'N' Roll Backlash
When I'm 100 I hope to be in a band as cool as this. Oh, and if you freaked out over the new Hives disc and didn't check out this album, fuck you.
5. Henry Fiat's Open Sore - Mondo Blotto
FINALLY, they're back! But with a way more polished sound. Eh, I don't dig it as much as the earlier shit but the songs are what counts. And they do deliver. If the Dwarves had a sense of humor instead of just kiddie porn lusts they would be HFOS.
4. Goodnight Loving - Crooked Lake
Picking up where Rhet Miller left off (in a douchey, pretentious pursuit of Hanna Montana like pop-stardom) the best band I saw at SXSW last year keeps their game strong. Great folky cow-punk rolled in pop traditions. Wilco might be a critic fav because of "Yes, I am trying to break your heart" but people who actually listen to music know that they suck and Goodnight Loving should be recieving ALL the praise.
3. Apples in Stereo - New Magnetic Wonder
They have OD'd a million times over on Pet Sounds but that doesn't stop this group from being a constant North Star like beacon in pop music.
2. Grinderman - Grinderman
Nick Cave decided to pull a few buddies out the Bad Seeds and make the Stooges reunion album. The only problem was the Stooges decided to get back together and release a total piece of shit while Grinderman's post-Funhouse deconstruction masterpiece was left to languish until the "Best of" lists came out. First Sum 41 and then the Weirdness? Fuck you, Iggy.
1. Carbon/Silicon - Last Post
Mick Jones is on a fucking roll. Unleashing the Libertines on the world and then this. Last Post is a minimalist Clash (or BAD, depending on how you hear it) album with superb pop hooks, a little electro and raw fury. Sorry, I know I should write like an epic fucking paragraph for my album of the year but I've said what I need to say. Just check out the vid.
Ok everybody, it's that time of year again! Time to play God (of sorts) and roll the craps dice on some expendable celebrity souls. Or the souls of anyone in the public eye for that matter.
RULES: You get 10 slots. Fill these slots with the sorry suckers that you think are going to be meeting their maker (L. Ron Hubbard for some,) this year. You can put how you think they will die and the month as well. If they die in the manner you describe +50 bonus points. If they die in the month predicted +100 bonus points. Once a person is on a list, that's it. No dupes. If Black Nathan says Britney Spears by OD'ing on coke snorted off a midget stripper's ass, Jay can't have Brit kicking the bucket by choking on a trany porno cock. Once they are on a list- that's it.
You get 100 pts. for every death straight up with no when or how. Everything else is gravy. December 31, 2008 a winner will be declared.
If you are blogger here- post yours as a blog. If you are just visiting, or want in- leave a comment on this post with your list. I'll update once people start dropping. Have fun with it.
Or not.
Here are mine:
1. Dick Cheney (come on- this son of a bitch has been two stepping with death since the Nixon administration. Of course, with him being Satan- he might have an angle on this whole death thing): I want to say he'll drop dead from bullet to the head, but that is just wishful thinking. So I'll chalk up his bad ticker puttering out on his ass. March. The sooner the better.
2. Ernest Borgnine (I loved Airwolf as much as the next guy, but he is getting up there. Unless he is a Dick Clark/ Bob Hope hybrid, his time should be drawing near. Come on 90...): Heart attack, aneurysm. May. Potential coma- then August.
3. Angela Lansbury (I was walking to work this morning and saw some dirt blowing in the breeze. So it made me think of this one, seeing as she probably has a few decades on the dirt): Drops dead of a heart attack when she is handed a script for a cameo appearance on Ghost Whisperer. The role calls for her to play as the actual ghost who is an inspiration to an aspiring murder mystery writer. June.
4. Al Pacino: Head explodes while filming a scene in Dali & I: The Surreal Story with him speaking to Faruk Malidi. Al finds out the hard way that yelling the lines or not, Faruk cannot hear him, because he is deaf. November.
5. George Steinbrenner (Oh holy shit...don't tell my father in law): Suffers a heart attack after the '08 season. After making it into the playoffs by the skin of their teeth by winning the wild card in a one game playoff, they are swept by the Bo Sox with Asexual A-Rod hitting .156 with 2 RBIs (.068 with runners in scoring positon,) and 3 for his last 38 including the regular season. Rivera's ERA will rival Jim Leyritz's blood alcohol level, and Petitte's mysterious midseason shoulder problem will render him useless for the post season stint. It is not this that troubles him as much as the fact that Fall Classic is a Red Sox v. L.A. Dodgers matchup. Should of reconsidered how you treated Torre, Jorge! By Christmas.
6. Amy Winehouse: With the gaps in her memory rivaling those in her teeth, she Lohan's her way through another rehab stint only to OD on an eight ball laced with fecal traced black tar heroin and irony. This Tuesday.
7. Nickelback (yes- not just Calgarian fucktard Chad Kroeger, but the whole perfecta of douche chills that is the band, Nickelback.): Plane crash. Please. Pretty please. Seriously, If Everyone Cared really, then you repetitious frat rock retards would of never sored to the level of played out mediocrity that you are so comfortably stuck at right now behind Linkin Park, and in front of Maroon 5. April.
8. Nichole Richie ( I think out of the two brilliant minds that gave us A Simple Life that Paris has learned her lesson. Remember she is looking for a smart boyfriend now. This one on the other hand...not so much. As #4 on my list would say..."I"M JUST GETTIN' STARTED!!!"): Initial reports claim that she dies from lack of nutrition, and failure to eat. But once a CSI Miami-esque autopsy is performed on the frail body of the former star, it is discovered that she has severe bruising and that the cause of death is in fact blunt force trauma. Lionel is charged within two weeks. Confesses to attempting to beat some sense into her. He, in turn, dies in prison after being shanked in the yard in retaliation to his beating a fellow cell mate to death with a clay bust of himself after the cell mate kept asking him to sing Dancing on the Ceiling. Nichole: February. Ex-Commodore's prison yard shanking: July.
9. Will Forte (It's been a while since we lost a casty from SNL, and this guy is the biggest hack on the show(that's not saying much...)- so why not?): Only the real talented ones die from their own foolish behavior, so I say he trips on an extension cord hooked to a light rigging that falls on his head. Please bring back Tina Fey. At least it was still kinda funny then. Not soon enough. September.
10. Keith Richards (This 750 year old drug saturated Skeksis has been on my list for the past three years. It is bound to happen at some point): With the effects of global warming reaching the levels they are, Richards has difficulty capturing the planets raw energy to keep him alive. Plays a day show at Wembley Stadium and withers away on stage while playing the solo to Gimme Shelter ironically. Open.
Hmmmm.
