The Yankees and the...Ewww, Magic Thong

Given the whole Derek Jeter has herpes fiasco and A-Rod's love of tranny looking chicks, one wonders just how sanitary the Bronx Bombers clubhouse is. And it even gets filthier. Apparently, they like to share a thong betrothed to Jason Giambi (aka Fat Fuck Clemens). Don't believe me?
"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," he tells Portfolio.com. Over the years, the 37-year-old All-Star has left the "golden thong" in the lockers of slumping teammates Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura, and Robinson Cano.
That doesn't seem to be working out to well, now does it? They're in the fucking cellar and the mighty Red Sox are at the top of the AL East. The universe has finally righted itself.
All bias asdie, I totally understand baseball superstitions and whatnot but sharing a fucking thong? It makes sense for someone who, you know, actually plays a position to sport something so outrageous to keep them calm at all times but for an overglorified DH who is in rapid decline to strap the thong on leaves many questions unanswered. Big Papi doesn't resort to that shit. I think Giambi truly believes it makes him look less slobbish. It ain't working, bro.
And for no reason other than to really hammer my point home, here are my true feelings about the New York Yankees.

The Roidcket's Lawyer has a Good Memory

Prop's to Black Nathan for pointing this out.
You remember back when Bubba (aka Bill Clinton) almost got impeached for shooting a load onto an interns dress? And do you also remember how she kept the dress, in triple-super-duper-strong mylar packaging to preserve the Presidential seal of approval on her blow job skills? Now, do you ALSO remember a lot of people thought the chick was batshit crazy and a lunatic for keeping the dress?
Lanny Breuer does. The motherfucker HAS to since that's the same line he gave on Concubine Clinton back in the late 90's. It's nice to know that he hasn't changed his stance on the whole stowing evidence thing.
"Brian McNamee is obviously a troubled man who is obsessed with doing everything possible to destroy Roger Clemens," Breuer said in a statement, adding that McNamee had lied to baseball and government investigators and "now he apparently has manufactured evidence."
But wait, how did that whole cumstain on the Gap dress turn out? Now I'd like to pass the mic..."If Roger Clemens' DNA is on that used needle, that's the functional equivalent of the little blue dress in the Monica Lewinsky case that forced Bill Clinton to admit his affair," former federal prosecutor Brian Lysaght said.
Whether this turns out the same way, remains to be seen but at least we have our FIRST consistent line of argumentation from the Clemens camp.

The Bro-mance is Over

Andy Pettitte is making strides to further distance himself from former boyfriend Roger Clemens. From New York Newsday
Andy Pettitte is said by friends to be upset with Roger Clemens because of Clemens' aggressive defense to the charges leveled against him in the Mitchell Report. Most of all, Pettitte didn't care for Clemens' public airing of his taped phone call with accuser Brian McNamee, which accomplished little. Among its many unexpected consequences, the Mitchell Report has magnified just how different Clemens and Pettitte are. And with the two men set to share a table at Capitol Hill's Rayburn Hall next month, it's as good a time as any to point out that this supposed mentor-protege's relationship has been overblown by the media - with this space as guilty as anyone else. "They were never as close as they were made out to be," a friend of both said on the condition of anonymity. "They just sort of went along with it in the media, because it was a good story."
Pettitte taking a hardline stance here makes me hate him just a little less (hey, he's still wearing pinstripes). Of course, this now confirms what we ALL new the whole time: the lefty from Deer Park was the bitch in the relationship. However, when a new HEB offer comes up he might stop being all hurt pussy about the whole Mitchell Report fiasco and smile for the cameras once again.

Further Proof that Cowboys Fans are Assholes - FIXED!

UPDATE: I was told the vid wasn't working anymore and now it is fixed. Enjoy.
How can you argue that headline when I bring Hitler into the mix? And somebody please make a video of this involving Darth Steinbrenner and the Yankees. That would ALMOST make up for about 20 years of suffering. Go Red Sox!