The other day Black Nathan called me up to give me some good news. It seemed that Rock of Love (sweet fucking christ if you're not watching this skanktastic train wreck of plastic surgeon enhanced daddy issues what the fuck is wrong with you?) would continue past this third season but with Glenn Danzig. They would re-title the show Rock of Love:Brides of Satan and goddamn if I wasn't giddy if not entirely skeptical. Of course, a 2 second research session later I found out it was just some bullshit a random kid posted on the VH1 messageboards. No big deal, but still a loss for all of us. When you think about it, of course it had to be fake. I mean, how many chicks under three feet that are into metal could they round up to act like they wanna fuck Danzig? You can't really have the ladies slut it up when they are barred from sporting the clear heels.
If, for some divine reason, the producers of Rock of Love decide to take this little idea with any sort of seriousness (really, what the fuck is Danzig doing aside from trying to find funding for his sure to be shit horror movie?) let me add some suggestions for the potential challenges on the show:
Who Can Produce the Best Fake Southern Accent Despite Being Born in New Jersey
Chicken Sacrificing Judged on Speed, Ease AND the Amount of Blood That Can Be Slathered Over Pert Titties
Defend Your Man After He is Knocked Out for Talking Shit to the Openers and Being a Total Dickwad
Who Can Change My Colostomy Bag in the Most EEEEVIL Manner