Saturday, I will be marrying the love of my life, the soon to be Mrs. Debauchery. I couldn't be happier about this. As I continue to construct the playlist for the wedding (one which I know will get truncated at some point, we've agreed to split our iPods and I'm doing my best to be accommodating to people who want to hear Pat Benatar and modern country) I keep getting dragged back into songs that I flippantly thought would be cool to put on a wedding playlist (The 'Mats, "Can't Hardly Wait," the Jive Five's "Do You Hear Wedding Bells?" The Scientists "Why Don't We Get Together Tonight") I realized that most of what I picked were the songs I first played over and over in my old study, getting ripped off whiskey every night after hauling my ass home from the book store in defeated agony, in the bouts between her visits to my house or just a quick drink together (Mrs. Debauchery worked day and night jobs at this point). Listening to those tunes while thinking of her made my life a ton more enjoyable (whiskey didn't hurt either, just saying).
However, there were some songs that we both really enjoy that she made me promise not to include on the final list (The Cramps "Like a Bad Girl Should" being the biggest red flag along with the Supersuckers "She's My Bitch"). I'm cool with this. But, there is one song that is not getting left off despite it's S&M themes: Nobunny's "I am a Girlfriend."
See, Nobunny and the Spits were the first show we went to together, ( I DJ'd!) and Mrs. Debauchery really dug Nobunny and has since discovered the joys of the Okmoniks, the Sneaky Pinks and Hunx and his Punx first album. We kinda consider it "our" song since it's the first band I got her to dig and we'd blast the record across the house while dancing with GRRR (our dog) and it made our worlds seem to collide in a really sweet way. My unabashed love of raw and dirty punk rock combining with her love of catchy hooks and vocals she could understand. We're a weird pair. I'm marrying a woman who likes Taylor Swift (or Tay-Tay, as she, for some reason I don't want to know calls her), fell in love with Good Clean Fun when she first heard them and had a fucking blast watching Guitar Wolf at the Free Press Summer Fest. Yet, I can't get her to listen to a Ty Segall record without her twitching two seconds into it.
And I couldn't be any fucking happier about it.
So, here's Nobunny performing "our song" at Rudz in May of 2010.
Bored one day, and just before the liquidation shit would hit the fan, a few co-workers and I came up with this lovely display. Sadly, people actually bought the books merched here. Still, I think a nice point was made.
Are you ready to have your mind blown? Not over what about you are going to listen to if you click the link below but that a group apparent music enthusiasts thought this would be a good fucking idea. Get ready for, a capella metal.
Did any of that make fucking sense to you? Me, neither. It's like Rockapella's kids grew up to realize what huge tools their fathers were and decided to bail to Europe and get metal. Except, they realized the only talent they had were for making kazoo sounds, the baritone growl of that annoying Crazy Frog fad and for making "eeeevil" and "scaaaary" faces at the camera. So, they hooked up with a goth chick and what has to be the most desperate drummer to be in a band ever and here we are.
Alright, let's break this bitch down.
0:03: Okay, if I'm watching some dude ride in on a horse it better be Game of Thrones and some motherfuckers better about to be annihilated in the goriest fashion possible.
0:05: What the fuck was that? We just jump right into the whole D&D metal theme? Here's a quick tip, Van Canto, Dragonforce are only cool for doing that shit because THEY FUCKING SHRED! Can your a capella scale solos compete with that? Let's see.
0:07: And we meet the band which seems to comprised of non-unibrow Eli Roth, a chick who wasn't fat enough to the be to Gothpera singer in Cradle of Filth, an odd Rob Halford/Anton Lavey mixture (metal points for that) and Shawn Michaels. Fucking fantastic. Let's rock this joint!
0:10: /smacks drummer over the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
NO! NO! Bad drummer! First of all, put those sticks down asshat, this ain't rockin' and second you are enabling the suck. I'm pretty sure without your presence they would've never attempted this shit Big Black style. Hopefully, you make them your kit bitch and never have to move, set up or breakdown a thing.
0:24: Ah, so we're gonna hear this chick wail a little bit. Awesome, this song could really use some more filler. In fact, I thought it was over before the...verse? Whatever ever the fuck this is that's going on now.
0:52: So, is she like telling him you can wreck this body if you find the One Ring or something? Just a vibe I'm getting.
0:54: That medieval middle school kid is like, "Fuck that noise!" You see that look in his eyes? That means tits or GTFO, lady! But, he's got no other choice, right?
1:04: Or does he? Look at him cop a feel of that statue? Okay, so pseudo date rape is what's setting the narrative to this video in motion. Whatever.
1:07: Every time they do the "dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum" thing it makes wish that I was watching a metal version of South Park's "All About Mormons." I can't be alone in that.
1:40: Quit cutting to Shawn Michaels. I think this video might be like the one from Ringu and he's gonna pull a Sadako and come through the screen to rape me. Actually, I am so afraid of this being true it's the reason I got you to watch the video in the first place. Suckers!
2:04: YEEEESSS! Lavey/Halford! Have the kid burn the cross! Let's get METAAAAAL! Wait, why the fuck is he walking away from it? Okay, okay, I forgive you for not making it upside down. Just send him back there with a book of matches and a gas can!
2:18: Put your horns down, twat muffin. Going "ringdigityringdigityringdigityring" does not mean you are rocking a goddamned thing.
2:27: Aaaaaaand here we come to the solo. It's like 30 tracks of kindergarten kazoo playing layered on top of each other. Blink 182 called and said Van Canto uses way too many tracks.
2:30: See homechick finger pointing the guy while he is making the international hand gesture for jerking off? This is the reason Metalocalypse was created.
2:42: I'd never thought I would say this but this song really drags without the girl singing. Or is it that I glean faint entertainment from average cleavage being shamelessly sold?
2:50: It's your last test, my son. Run through the fiery vagina and you will reborn being able to proclaim stake to the chick you molested earlier in the video. It is your birthright!
3:06: Yeah, I know he's not drumming that fast but because in in THIS band...he's totally using a trigger.
3:20: Halford/Lavey just smiled. There go your metal points, bro.
3:35: Holy shit, are we really doing the whole kazoo solo thing again? Didn't it suck enough the first time?
3:38: Apparently not! They had to double down with the Thin Lizy style dual kazoo solo! It'll melt yo face off!
4:00: See how she said, "In me the wishmaster?" Totally called that she wanted to bang Young Ned of the Shire.
4:14: TOTAL VINDICATION! See, he totally grabbed her tit. And made the rest of the band go away! Unfortunately we still have a few more seconds with this song.
3:00: Nevermind. It drags just the same. Even when you factor in the cleavage.
