Rock n Roll Finally Gets a Win in 2010!

Punknews.org is reporting that the pretentious snoozefest known as the Killers will be going on "indefinite hiatus" (just fucking break up...or better yet, drink a bottle of bleach and vomit allover your past masters) following a couple of shows in Austrailia. Usually, this would be enough for me to go "FUCK YEAH!" and leave it at that. But no, these cockbags had to put out a pretentious little explanation that I will now go FireJoeMorgan style on.
From guitarist (they have one of those in that band?)Dave Keuning:
I'm not sure if people are aware of it but these are probably our last shows for a while.
I'm not sure people still cared you were a band since they've now been told by Rolling Stone and Spin that the Kings of Leon are where they are to herded. But thanks for letting us know the location of the final shows so I can finally let Anwar al-Awlaki know what he has to do get his 40 virgins.
We haven't had a break in quite a while. It's just been touring and making records and on and on and on.
Wow, sounds like a total bummer. You know, getting to travel across the globe with your friends while getting paid for being the soundtrack to Ecstacy overdoes and date rapes, all the groupies lining up from dawn til dusk to blow you pathetic New Order wannabes and then having to take a break from it all to get paid to shit out 12 tracks on a synthesizer over 6 moths must really be taking its toll your ability to enjoy life! Won't somebody leave these geniuses alone to nurture their tortured souls!
It's been like six years just kind of connected together.
You mean like being in a band? And one that tours? Yeah, I think that's what he means. However, we could always hope they'd had been connected like this and we never would've had to suffer Hot Mess or whatever the fuck that record was called.
It's like people just expect us to do that non-stop till we die,
No, no, no, you got that wrong, bro. We just want you to stop AND die. You don't have to do both at the same time but whenever your ready, sporto!
but we just want a little bit of time off, just to be myself and do what I want to do for a little bit.
So you didn't want to be in a band, make records, tour, live in the shadows of that blowhard dicksmoker Brandon Flowers? Then why didn't you quit? I know, you'd lose the ability to score hipster/yuppie tang and all but if that's really how you've felt about the last six years in your band then the music you have produced makes a helluva lot more fucking sense.

Jay Debauchery's Top 10 Records of 2009

Sorry this is a tad late but...whatever.
10. Vee Dee - Public Mental Health System (Criminal IQ)
I've dug everything this Chicago band has put out so far but those albums and singles were pretty much straight ahead fuzzed out punk with the songs clocking in around the 2 minute mark. With Public Mental Health System these guys have gone into full on Stooges overload with a heavy dose of psychedelia thrown in for good measure. I still think Furthur is still tops but I dig where these guys are going and can't wait to hear what's next.


9. Obits - I Blame You (Sub Pop)
So, Hot Snakes are kaput but at least John Reis started another band (The Night Marchers, who are killer but I sure would like another Sultans record) but what about partner in crime (Drive Like Jehu, Pitchfork) Rick Froberg? He started Obits and their record has been one of the most criminally ignored albums of last year.


8. Social Circkle - City Shock (No Way)
Awesome, snotty 80's style hardcore punk.


7. Smith Westerns - ST (HoZac)
Like a glorious mix of shoegazer and early Bomp! records material. The Smith Westerns are pretty young (between 17-19 when this was recorded) which is pretty shocking that, you know, teenagers now want to ape Nuggets-style rock instead of Owl City. Thank the fuck christ for that.


6. The Spits - IV (Thriftstore)
The Spits never disappoint. I think this might be their best record of synth drenched Killed by Death punk weirdness yet.


5. Thee Oh Sees - Help (In the Red)
John Dwyer fucking rules. Pink and Brown, Coachwhips (come on John, the last record was killer so give us just one more), and the Hospitals are all rad bands this man is responsible for. And now he ventures into less noisy, brit-psychedelic terrain and it's just killer.


4. Them Crooked Vultures - ST (DGC)
Dave Grohl, Josh Homme and John Paul Jones have successfuly created the first rock supergroup that doesn't suck donkey balls. This record fucking slays.


3. Pissed Jeans - King of Jeans (Sub Pop)
Everyone was on this bands nutsack when Hope for Men came out and now no one cares. Why? Pissed Jeans are one of the few bands around doing justice to the Jesus Lizard's sound.


2. Marked Men - Ghosts (Dirtnap)
This is bittersweet because it is probably the last Marked Men album we're ever going to get. Sure, you can say "indefinite hiatus" but I don't buy it. And I'm super bummed because the Marked Men have been one of the best bands around for the 00's not to mention the best band spawned from Texas.


1. Future of the Left - Travels with Myself and Another (4AD)
mclusky is one of my favorite bands of all time so when Falco and co. put a new record out, no matter what the band is named, you can bet your ass I'll be the first one to throw some cash down. Buddyhead sums it up the best:"There are very few bands out there that are writing songs this well-constructed and instantly memorable and there are NO bands out there that sound this fucking punk while doing it. Take notes kids, this band has being rad down to a science."

This is Fucking Awesome

What can I say about the absolute cockbag known as Mike Love that this video left out? NOTHING! Remember, kids, this is the fucktard that actually thinks "Kokomo" is not only a good song but one worthy of having "The Beach Boys" being associated with hits horridness. Fuck him with a gun.

Benefit for Tim O'Brien

I've known Tim O'Brien since the Stay Sick column ran at the Daily Cougar and he has always been one of the most sincere and kind music journalists I've ever met. This guy lives rock 'n' roll, never hesitates to help bands out and continually supports young writers and bands. That's how we met.
Tim had read my column and Please Kill Yourself and we became friends fastly over our mutual love of Guitar Wolf. I don't think I would've ever had word one printed in the Houston Press or elsewhere afterward if it weren't for Tim. Not only did he constantly encourage my (often times) juvenile piss and vinegar literary onslaughts but he helped me to become a better writer. When Please Kills Yourself was in it's infancy, Tim was always willing to lend a column or two to beef up the rag and to add to its credibility. His enjoyment and faith in me as a writer helped me keep things moving.
So, I got this flyer to show you and therefore ask for your help in aiding one of the most passionate and talented music writers Houston has unleashed upon the world.
I'll make you folks a deal in case a list of rad bands and a noble cause doesn't peel your banana: come out, pay the cover and you get a beer and a shot on me, Jay Debauchery. Of course, you've got to mention PKY (or else I will have every other asshole asking for a free beer and a shot) cause I ain't made of money. But, if my weak stab at baiting can convince you to throw a few extra bucks towards Tim, his family and his health then I'm down with that and will gladly foot the bill.