Friday, February 29, 2008

The Jay Debauchery Birthday Extravaganza

Yup, it's that time again. Next Wednesday be at Rudz for streams of Jager, incomprehensible idiocy and rock 'n' roll chaos. It's gonna look something like this.

The Big Bitch Sends This Out to Saint Semen


I'm just the courier.

Saint Semen is Coming Home

After a leave of absence from Texas, that he spent wrecking young boys and hanging out with Peaches, my brother, Saint Semen, is returning home. This is pretty awesome and if you see him around town (at the tail end of March) please buy him some shots and hook him up with boys that look like Joan Jett (I'm talking to my Jugend brothers and sisters, here). It's a celebration and what better way to show my love than with this video?!?!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

My Concert E Peen...

Between The Flogging Molly tickets I got from the in-laws and a hook up I have here at the institute I have stumbled into quite a hefty concert season for '08 thus far...
All That Remains 3/1
Built to Spill 3/3
Wilco 3/7
Flogging Molly 3/11
Southern Culture on the Skids 3/28
Clutch 4/9
Meat Beat Manifesto 5/2
King Diamond 5/8
Horton Heat 5/16
Police 5/20

This is cool... I feel like I'm back in college again (minus the drugs, less booze and a wife...)
If you are at these- I'll see ya there! Otherwise- have a good one.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Well, Here's a Fucking Stunner

Apparently, Maxim magazine, the quasi-porn for teens and lonely idiots that gets skanks to dress half naked and spout bullshit like, "I despise six-pack abs!" or "I really love a guy who drinks beer all day (not light beer), pulls dutch ovens on me and fucks for 2 seconds!" or "I don't care what a guy looks like. He's got to have personality to shag me!" apparently fakes music reviews. Or at least writes reviews based on hearing a single or unfinished track on a yet to be promoed release.
Keep in mind this is the same magazine who, until recently, lovingly employed quote whore Pete Hammond (find me a movie he didn't gush over and I'll buy you a bottle). Truly, a high standard for journalistic professionalism!
Look, any true music fan worth their weight in vinyl knows that 99% of reviews in glorified fashion rags like Rolling Stone, Spin, Blender and even NME are just flaccid plugs for the record companies who spend so much coin keeping the mags alive. Let's face it, rock journalism is at a complete standstill. There is nothing new or innovative coming from assclowns like Rob Sheffield so all most people are left with are cautiously biting reviews that never recieve below 2 stars (I can't remember the last time I read Rolling Stone, and this was 5 or 6 years ago, when they didn't wreck a disc and gave it a less than favorable rating). When was the last time you actually read a thorough deconstruction of an album from a mainstream (or underground for that matter) publication?
It doesn't happen because there is no money in it. The payola bullshit keeps on a truckin' just so sheepish consumers (I have a handfull at work who point to Rolling Stone reviews asking where to find certain discs in the store) can purchase more garbage and keep the expense account flowing. Elvis forbid that bands actually have to go out there and EARN credibility or respect.
Spin a year or two ago did a piece on the best bands to see live and yet most of those groups have failed to yield a review in print. Is that not telling?
On the one hand, it doesn't really matter to the purists, those that truly love music, discover bands on their own or are turned on to new sonic glories by friends, that they are being fed bullshit because they know better. It's the general populace who are being robbed of truly great music because the artists in question are not what's "hot" or what their editors are telling them to "push" (believe me, this happens on all levels) due to current trends.
If you put your faith in these vultures, you deserve the latest Brittany Spears disc.

We Are Patiently Waiting for June

I could really give two shits about the NBA draft. It's just boring and then to try and suffer through some bullshit analysis from ESPN's talking heads seems like more trouble than it's worth. I'll just read the shit (if I cared, that is) the next day and get the whole score in 2 minutes.
However, for the last two years 8Bit, Black Nathan and myself have begun to crave the NBA draft just for the inevitable and brilliant Stephen A. Smith Hecking Society of Gentlemen video.
After listening to that rant don't you just yearn for that moronic blowhard to get his much deserved comeuppance. Quite frankly, he's a mouth breather.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Warner Brothers Continue to Act Like RETARDS

Wow, I just can't believe I read this. Here ya go, folks.
From nymag.com:
We’re sure something will eventually make us regret saying it, but this could actually be a smart move for Warner (at least smarter than all the other ones they’ve made in the past six years or so); Perez does have close to 3 million monthly readers — way more than Pitchfork or any music magazine — and his blog did probably have more to do with the American success of Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen than Universal or Capitol Records would like to admit.
So basically some fat fuck with rudimentary MS Paint skills is gonna dig on what the cats across the pond are jamming and then tell Americans to buy it? Fucking weak. Where was he on the White Stripes? You know, those American artists who had to crack the UK before they broke wide at home (to be fair, the White Stripes were already a cult band in the U.S.)? How come this douchebag hasn't discovered the Pipettes or the Len Price 3? Is Billy Bragg too deep for this fucktard? Or maybe he is just a turd sucking whore who "works" out of a Starbucks everyday with no ethics, taste, or talent. FUCKING HELL, PEOPLE! This obese and unfunny schmuck is a parasite that pilfers photos and then scrawls clever shit like "WHORE!" or "SLUT!" over images of Lindsay Lohan or some other cunt flashing skank. GENIUS! If you didn't think the major labels were on their last leg and desperate for any sort of control and dictatorship over artists well here's the proof.
Steven Van Zandt has been turning people onto cool music from across the world for years and has never gotten an offer like this. The end is nigh, brothers and sisters. And Perez is the final horseman of the apocalpyse.

Eat My Shit, Jack Johnson


"If the music is thin and empty, then our souls will be thin and empty." - Cornell West Just look at that fucking mongo.
I have to listen to a lot of shit at work. From the new Dolly Parton (she fucking cover’s Fine Young Cannibals’ “She Drives Me Crazy” and the Queen says he believes she can do whatever she wants since she’s got longevity in the biz. Whatever. I asked him if that would excuse her from clubbing baby seals with her massive, surgically enhanced knockers and got no response) to the Pupini Sisters (these gals do old 40’s vocals around modern pop tunes which ain’t too bad but hearing “Crazy in Love” in any incarnation just murders the soul) and lately, Jack Johnson.
If you’re not familiar with the, ahem, “artist,” you needn’t be ashamed. Neither was I until my ears were befouled with the pathetic, lazy machinations of hung over frat-boy rock. You know what I’m talking about: quiet gentle strumming of the basest chords with almost a whisper to spout the lyrics and not an ounce of emotional investment. I like to call this garbage, cracker music.
It’s just like the saltine motherfuckers who proliferate this sad genre. Bland, inoffensive and absolutely soulless: it is without a doubt the biggest plague facing rock ‘n’ roll since Fall Out Boy. And while that pathetic faux-pop-punk boyband bullshit seems to be staid and their fans moving into the emotional desolation of high school, cracker music seems to be the cure all for anyone who doesn’t want to think and just drift off into blissful stupidity. Think of it as People magazine or US Weekly in audio form.
And the way the mags, labels and fans are selling Jack Johnson you would think he was a noble soul. Quite the contrary. The establishment is trying to milk that laid back, care-free warmth of the sun lovin’ surfer image for all it’s worth. And while he boasts that his latest album was recorded with solar energy and he sings about global warming there is no urgency in his message. It’s as if he feels everything is gonna work out okay and by casually pontificating on these matters via song his fans will get the message. It doesn’t work that way.
Anger, contempt and disgust are what raise the biggest stink. Would that twat Anne Coulter, Ingrid Newkirk or (on the respectable end of the spectrum) Chuck D or Kathleen Hanna receive such attention if they weren’t intensely passionate about their subject matter? Fred Phelps has a handful of inbred dickpigs that make up his “church” and he still gets more press than Joel Osteen (who I am not sure is any less evil).
If you want to get a message across it can’t be passive. Not in these dire, turbulent and decaying times. A righteous cry in anger moves more asses than some douche strumming G-chords and singing, “'I hated everyone' said the sun.”
I’d like to ram one of his surfboards up his ass sideways.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Astros Spring Training Update

Spring training is already underway and we already have some pretty interesting story lines to follow:
Brad Lidge and Troy Patton (traded this winter) are injured. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess Wade knew what the fuck he was doing with that trade. It's not as brilliant as the Rangers unloading Eric "Even Steroids Couldn't Help Me" Gagne to the Red Sox.
Chris Sampson has lost his almost assured spot in the starting rotation to Shawn Chacon. I think that's kinda weak. Who knows which Chacon will be pitching for the Astros when camp break: the one who is effective or the one who is a fucking train wreck.
Hunter Pence went Sid Vicious on a sliding door hopping out of the hot tub with "a friend." He says he was going to use the toilet but I think Pence was running for some rubbers. Way to go, kid.
Both Brandon Backe and Lance Berkman have suffered some minor injuries. Just what we need! Berkman fucked up and a key element to our rotation already Barbaro'd out of the gate.
The Roidcket is fucked. The House has recommended an Department of Justice investigation. Say hi to Marion Jones, bitch!
Koby Clemens, for some reason, is still with the club.
Wandy Rodriguez still will probably act like a cunt when he doesn't get the call he wants. Seriously, if this kid wasn't a lefty, he wouldn't be in the major leagues.
And let's end this on a positive note: Roy Oswalt's presence will probably negate the shittiness of Woody Williams.

There are only a handful of things...

...that make my skin crawl.
The thought of my testicles being placed in a wood chipper.
The fact that bands like Hinder have recording contracts.
and this....

I don't know what is more disturbing... the robotic nature of Seacrest and the blatant disregard of the whole ordeal, or the fact that they collectively thought that the no talent hack of a walking vagina known as Ben Affleck could do ANYTHING to the alcoholic coke headed greatness that is Gary Busey.
I give the kiss a 4 out of 5 Nick Nolte mugshots.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

R.I.P. Omar Little



With only two episodes left, my claim that the Wire is still the best series ever on television is unwavered.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

If Whitney Houston Was Right, We're Screwed

"Teach them well and let them lead the way," right? Well, if this collection of retarded science experiments is what the "future" has to offer us it looks like Al Gore's already bleak estimation of human survival was way off.

Friday, February 22, 2008

My Return to Fenway is Near

My friends Lindsay and Mike are getting married soon. I can't make it out to the actual event so I did the next best thing. I took some days off work and got us tickets for the first meeting of the Evil Empire v. The Nation series (I understand some of you don't know what the means and its kinda fucking fustrating since my love for the Red Sox is so often expressed here. I means Yanks v. Red Sox).
I look forward to a day of clam chowda, Jameson, chain smoking and, hopefully, no crying lezzies (Lindsay said that after the Patriots blew the Super Bowl she had butch lezzies crying in her bar.) I'm shipping up April 11th. I just hope I can see Papelbon rock the party like New Zealand (read the following post).

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Since There's a New Gondry Movie...

I figured I'd share this short film of his. It's pretty fucked up yet wicked good at the same time. I like things like that. By the way, if you ever hear me and Black Nathan screaming, "J'Accuse!" at each other, now you know why.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

It's Okay, bro. Clutch is Here for You

File this under the "shit I wish I had witnessed in person" file. I've seen a few ambivalent wedding ring stunts at sports events but never a straight up know with a huge bear consoling the rejected dude as he nurses his beer and looks devestated. Awesome.
img src="http://www.nothingtoxic.com/i/share_logo.png" border="0">
Why You Should Never Propose at a Basketball Game
Congratulations. No one loves you.
Get humor videos at NothingToxic

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It Was Bound to Happen

I'm a huge fan of Good Clean Fun. Yes, you read that correctly. I really dig a straight-edge, youth-crew, posi hardcore band. This is song is just too comedically excellent to not share with you. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

My Love for Jonathan Papelbon Grows Daily

As I've said before, Papelbon embodies everything I want in a closer: competitive with killer "stuff" and bat-shit crazy. He doesn't give a shit if his dog ate the world series ball from this year and even sported the Ricky Vaughn haircut for a while and of course, there is that famous jig of his I tend to do when drunk. Oh, and he started a "Yankees Suck" chant outside of Fenway one time. Aces in my book. But this, it's just too awesome. I hope he discovers Guitar Wolf while in the Land of the Rising Sun and has them blare "Jet Generation" when he takes the mound at Fenway. That would make my head explode.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Madness Rules

While I'm still awake (hey, I got off 3 hours ago and was running up and down stairs all day so I got some energy to burn) I figured I'd share with the readers my favorite band from the 80's only behind X...Madness. Dig.

March Can't Come Soon Enough

Aside from that being the month of my birthday, St. Paddy's (the only nights of the year when I will get absolutely bombed out of mind, McNulty style, on Jameson...fuck I miss whiskey) and when Spring Training kicks into gear, I'll be seeing Flogging Molly on the 11th.
I've seen them a bunch and even had a few drinks with the guys but this time it's gonna be special. My brother in law will be with me slamming shots and going off. The last time we went to a show together I had to appologize to my sis the next day for sending her man home so wrecked. Ash, if you're reading this, sorry in advance.
Oh, and with the GFN in attendance and supporting the sin and excess it looks like it'll be a cab night. I'm training my liver and ailing gallblader as I type these words.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Well, at least I don't have to worry about the Red Sox rotation...OH SHIT!

Houston Horror is Back

Stacey Davidson continues to wreak havoc on the local horror scene and it looks pretty wicked. Oh, and the future Mrs. GFN looks like she's gonna have a headache.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Oh, What the Hell...Another Valentines Post

The image you see to your left will surely no longer be happening. Since Clemens decided to bring misremembered-back and throw not just his partner in bromance Pettitte under the bus, but also his fucking wife! Whoah.
I hope he went all out like Kobe and Roidger got Debbie some sick fucking rock or else she might not allow him to pump her full of his rocket fuel tonight.
Here is a quick rundown of some of my favorite quotes from the Clemens/McNamee bitch fight that happened yesterday as compiled by Yahoo!:
"Mr. Clemens bled through his designer pants."
"Mr. Clemens, do you recall any bleeding through your pants in 2001?"
"Those little band-aids for his butt, if it bled."
"Mr. Clemens, according to your account, Mr. McNamee injected your wife in your bedroom without your knowledge."
"That said there was a palpable mass on the right buttock of Mr. Clemens. On another record, it also noticed a similar mass on the left buttock.”
"That was a hurried instance when we were in the closet."
"Just for the record, there was an injury to Mr. Clemens' buttocks."
"This is a new definition of lynching," Rep. Tom Davis says.
Yeesh, what's more embarassing for Clemens? The sleazy jokes that can be made about his wife or all the talk about his lumpy and infected butt? Here are a couple more:
“Have you ever been a vegetarian?”
“Have you ever been a vegan?”
(Clemens replied he didn't know what that was. Uh oh! PeTA's got itself a new celebrity target to exploit for press!)
And finally, my favorite, which just proves this was all a suck off/grandstanding waste of motherfucking time...Representative William Lacy Clay passed on this softball question he said came from Representative Michael Capuano of Massachusetts. He "wants to know what uniform you're going to wear to the Hall of Fame?"
Your tax dollars at work!
UPDATE! How did I miss this?:
"Roger showed up after golf, I believe. Maybe he was golfing. I don't know if he was golfing. He might have showed up a little bit later, but no, he was there the whole time for the most part. He was in the house. I could tell a specific story about him being there, which was involving Jose (Canseco), Jose's wife and Roger's wife when they went inside, when the guys showed up. I mean, they talked -- no disrespect, but they talked about how great Jose's wife's augmentation job was to Debbie and showed her. And then Debbie showed her her augmentation job."

Happy Valentines Day from Please Kill Yourself

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Comedy Apreciation 101

Greetings All,
Sorry for the hiatus but I have been getting pounded at work like a D cupped corn fed Midwesterner trying to cover her tuition. Working seven to seven for three weeks straight can get to you. By the time I get home it's dinner, shower, and hit the rack. Now I know what Loverboy was singing about. But when you have to go in on the weekend...
Anyhow- Be it work, or the medium rare ordered but rare prepared steak from Sunday night, I found myself out of commission yesterday. I was good to go by noon, but calling in sick rewards you the entire day and damn it- I was taking it. So I decided that I was going to get my level 45 in CoD4 maxed out to 55. Yeah. I got to 47. I lasted all of about three hours.
Mind you that it was not because of my lack of skill or getting "p'wnd" by the kids on XBL. No, it was because of the sheer idiotic and offensive drivel that was being bantered back and forth among the predominantly unemployed white teen stoners that populate Live during my regular office hours. Forgive me. The following is from memory, but it is fairly spot on...
UrmomsBF69: Dood. (sound of gurgling water) *cough, cough* So. Dood. Like. Dood. *cough, cough* So. Who. Do. You think. *cough* Who do you fuckin' think is gonna get fuckin' elected fuckin' president dood?
EleetSnyper9er: Probly dat nigga one. They gonna assassinate his fuckin' ass. I know thay don't be wonton no girl up be runnin' this muthafucka. Ssshhhhhiiiitt. Bitch be going to fuckin' war an shit cuz she be a raggin' and shit.
UrmomsBF69: Right on man, right on. True dat. *cough, cough* I ain't old enough to vote but I wouldn't if I could anyway, dood. Fuck that shit man. Stupid.
Wow.
And they wonder why mainstream media feels like this when it comes to gamers. Way to buck the system there fellas. Don't perpetuate the stereotype or anything.
A few weeks back (as I do every few years,) I changed my Gamertag to Mike Damone. It's better than what it was (Victory Pickle, seriously- I don't know what I was thinking...) and I tend to get less annoying shit from fellow gamers with a moniker that is a movie reference as opposed to some VeggieTales superhero reject. But, surprisingly enough, I am amazed at how vague and utterly unknown the reference is regarding my new online persona. I figured given the age and audience, people would get it. Boy was I wrong. People initially assume it is your real name because it is so normal compared to Victory Pickle or say Stickybudsmkr1983. So that I understand. I get the mispronouncing. With a real life last name like Steininger, this is nothing new.
How on earth have so many participants in the hobby of what is the epitome of the slacker lifestyle never heard of or seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High? This question coming from a former stoner himself. If you are 12-15 years of age I'll give you a pass. But, any older than that and you should know that it is required viewing for resident stoners along with Fear and Loathing, Dazed and Confused, The Wall, The Big Lebowski, Strange Brew, any Cheech and Chong (especially Nice Dreams,) Half Baked, The Stoned Age, and BioDome. For good measure, you better have a copy of Dark Side to sync with The Wizard of Oz too...
I'll give Seth Rogan credit, but McLovin is not the be all end all of comedy, people. Geez.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Debauchery's Grammy Rundown

First off, I think the Grammy's are nothing more than a music industry circle jerk. A smoke and mirrors show that caters to the most base music fan and never truly honors modern artists who are doing more for the progression of pop music than some douche like Chris Botti ever will.
That said, for some reason, I still get aggro when the voters snub worthy contenders just to suck off some "legend" despite the fact that their productive output ended decades ago.
What follows is a list of the most offensive honors doled out to undeserving artists.
Of course it has to start with Amy Winehouse. That chick has an amazing voice and writes some pretty wicked tunes and for Herbie Hancock (that album was fucking weak) to snatch Album of the Year after she won all the big awards...well, that just makes no sense. Once again, the Grammy's prove themselves to be a circle jerk.
Best New Artists has never rubbed me the wrong way since these are only "new" to people who "discover" new "music" via the pages of glorified fashion rags like Rolling Stone. Still, I wish Leslie Feist had won. Thank the fuck christ, Paramore didn't win or else I'd be out for blood.
Now, Best Pop Performance has always been a sham but to give a statue to FUCKING MAROON 5 is just ridiculous.
Ugh, and they gave an award for that HORRIBLE Robert Plant and Allison Kraus record. Satan runs the record industry, kids.
Well, they gave props to the Beastie Boys for best instrumental album so I can't bitch that much more...
Okay, they dug on the White Stripes. They are WAY overrated like A-Rod (at least at this point in Jack White's career) but still, solid.
Oh wait, here comes the anger again! Queens of the Stone Age lost out to the Foo Fighters? Dave Grohl's latest output was pretty lame but then again Motorhead never got the nod and Metallica lost to Jethro Tull so at least there is consistency in shitty voting.
Okay, I'm done with scrolling through the list. You and I know the Grammy's are bullshit but let's end this with a positive note. Alicia Keys got an award for "No One" which was expected but if she had been nominated alongside Winehouse at least it would've been a race. That song is brilliant.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shakira vs. Danzig...WHO YA GOT?

Wow, I just laughed so hard the 30 shots of Vodka I've taken so far came pouring out my nose. Yeah, it burned. But, the mash of some dude impersonating that angry little midget Danzig (yes, I love the Misfits but Glenn is a douche. Nuff said.) with Shakira is the perfect punk out to someone who WAY overstayed their welcome in rock n roll.
And remember, NORTH SIDE KINGS ARE UNDEFEATED!
"Burrito! Dorito! Fiesta! Anti-pasta!"

Keith Richards...still fucking awesome

Keith had some kind words for Amy Winehouse recently and if anyone knows about the trial and tribulations of junkiedom, it's this man. From hollywoodreporter.com: "She should get her act together," Richards told The HollywoodReporter on Friday at a round-table interview at the BerlinInternational Film Festival to promote Martin Scorsese's RollingStones documentary "Shine a Light." The often-addled rocker paused, then added: "Apart from that, Ihave got nothing to say to the bitch."
While Mr. Richards getting down on someone for their drug abuse, since he is rumored to have gone through dialysis to get the junk out of his system and has admitted to snorting his father's cremated ashses with some blow, seems absurd...what the fuck am I thinking? It's completely fucking retarded! But still, that's the best comment anyone has made about Winehouses's drug problems so, kudos, Keith.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Somebody Didn't Get the Memo About Van Stone

I'll admit it, I own the Van Stone record and I do think it's kinda rad...in the same way I think Dee Dee Ramone's hip hop career was. A brilliantly funny example of what NOT to do in a specific genere of music. While fucking around with YahooJukebox, I noticed they're promoting some group called Airbourne. The dudes look like rejects from Seduce (please re-watch The Decline of Western Civilization II: The Metal Years if you don't get that joke). Really, who the fuck asked for a new version of the Cult to come along? And the only thing that drummer is missing is gratuitous kick drum above his head that says, "This space for rent." These cats are from Austrailia so I'm gonna kick Mick in the balls. I think I just blew my wad on 80's hair metal references. It's bad enough we're effectivley suffering through Flock of Seagulls 2.0 but now rock music is going the way of the lame? Weak. Oh, and if you dug that please check this out. It's slightly yes humiliating to dig on.

Gangstalicious Makes it Rain on the Homies

No introduction is needed. This is just simply brilliant.

The Roidcket's Lawyer has a Good Memory

Prop's to Black Nathan for pointing this out.
You remember back when Bubba (aka Bill Clinton) almost got impeached for shooting a load onto an interns dress? And do you also remember how she kept the dress, in triple-super-duper-strong mylar packaging to preserve the Presidential seal of approval on her blow job skills? Now, do you ALSO remember a lot of people thought the chick was batshit crazy and a lunatic for keeping the dress?
Lanny Breuer does. The motherfucker HAS to since that's the same line he gave on Concubine Clinton back in the late 90's. It's nice to know that he hasn't changed his stance on the whole stowing evidence thing.
"Brian McNamee is obviously a troubled man who is obsessed with doing everything possible to destroy Roger Clemens," Breuer said in a statement, adding that McNamee had lied to baseball and government investigators and "now he apparently has manufactured evidence."
But wait, how did that whole cumstain on the Gap dress turn out? Now I'd like to pass the mic..."If Roger Clemens' DNA is on that used needle, that's the functional equivalent of the little blue dress in the Monica Lewinsky case that forced Bill Clinton to admit his affair," former federal prosecutor Brian Lysaght said.
Whether this turns out the same way, remains to be seen but at least we have our FIRST consistent line of argumentation from the Clemens camp.

Boondocks Episodes PULLED because of BET?

If you haven't been keeping up with this season of the Boondocks then you better start torrenting that shit because it ended kind of abruptly (and check out last weeks episode, "The Story of Gangstalicious) on adultswim.com). Adult Swim has decided not to air two episodes which apparently bitchslap BET.
From newsarama.com:
The reason for this is two of the planned episodes, “The Huey Freeman Hunger Strike” and “The Ruckus Reality Show” have been pulled. The episodes take savage strikes at not only favorite target BET, but also two of its key executives, Debra Lee and former Boondocks producer Reggie Hudlin. In “Hunger Strike,” Lee is made to look a lot like Dr. Evil from Mike Myers Austin Powers films while “Wedgie Rutland” is depicted as a total toadying nerd. “Hunger Strike” takes even broader strokes at the Black Entertainment Television, implying its true goal is to destroy and/or diminish African-American culture, exemplifying what Chuck D’s statement that the networks letters really stand for the “booty ‘en thugs” network. “Ruckus” takes matters even further, working off the premise that the black-hating Uncle Ruckus is given his own show on BET. Yup, they pulled what probably would have been one of the most fucked up but hysterically funny eps, "The Ruckus Reality Show," because BET can't take a joke and Bob Johnson just realized he fucked up in South Carolina for the Clinton campaign when he went below the belt on Barak Obama.
Adult Swim has confirmed that “The episodes are not scheduled to air on Adult Swim. Beyond that, we really don’t have any further comment.” Now the question is will they be released on the upcoming season 2 dvd? Oh and here is a clip from "The Hunger Strike" that hasn't been pulled down yet.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Saint Semen Appreciation Post: Part Deux

My brother is sick right now. That makes me sad. He should be out in South Beach wrecking VIP rooms and random dudes. Brother, I hope you feel better soon and until that time dig on some Turbonegro. If you are offended, I'm sorry. But seeing Euroboy hump some guys neck, decked out in denim, is at the level of coolness only you can claim.

Monday, February 4, 2008

About the Super Bowl

Well, I remember Alicia Keys owning the pre-game show (except for those pants. The chick in that Motorhead video was rocking those!) and other tidbits but the real reason it all seems a blur is because of Absinthe. Yup, I, in an inspired moment of genius, decided to watch the Super Bowl while chasing the green fairy and figured something awesome might come out of it. Didn't work out that way.
I took a few shots, went from zero to SHITFACED in under 60 seconds and decided around halftime I should get home. I had the Big Bitch load me into the car with Mick following (you guys are awesome) as they got me home safely.
Once inside, I dropped on the couch and passed out around the end of the game. When I awoke, I took a few more shots while jamming out to the Rentals and then pinballed (hey, straight edge kids, learn some drunk slang! Pinballing is when you are so bombed out of your mind you stumble into walls back and forth...like a real life pinball game) myself into bed. I felt a pain in Target earlier when I was shopping with my mom (yes, I told her about the Absinthe, she wasn't thrilled but when I explained my intended literary endeavor she was a little less upset that she forced me from her gash), lifted up my shirt to expose my ribs and BAM, a couple of huge fucking bruises. By the time I laid my weary head to rest, it felt like it was about to explode ala Scanners.
So, my big experiment in Gonzo sports coverage was a terrific failure. No more Absinthe for me unless I KNOW I'm gonna see lizards fucking in the lounge.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

And Jeebus Smiled Upon Us

Yeah, this came out a couple of months ago but the blog wasn't going then. So fuck you if you're gonna scream, "This is so five minutes ago" (do the kids still even use that slang?).
Here are the Pipettes, once again proving why they are the best pop group on the planet.
Oh, for you obtuse people out there, this song is about just wanting to fuck someone for a night. Bitchin'.

You Can't Please the Queen

The Second in Command at my job really gets off on the arbitrary exorcise of authority. I can understand. If my job was the only place I felt I had control in my life and could take out my frustrations, yeah, I'd dig on it. But, I'm just not that fucked up of a person (yet).
So, the other day, I see there is a gay and lesbian literature end cap (right next to the religion section, which I think is rad) but there is a gap in the fixture. I hit the mic, ask him what he wants me to fill it with and the lispy response, "Something gay or lesbian" pulses through my right ear.
I pick up a Rimbaud book and fill the gap only to hear, "Why did you put THAT on the end cap?"
I calmly responded, "Well, Rimbaud was gay. Oh and he has way more significant than the Dorm Porn trilogy you put up, ya know, since he inspired the Beats and Patti Smith and Lou Reed which started the last true rock n roll revolution."
He didn't respond. And this is probably why I'm full time and get 24 hours this week. Now, if he knew the singer for Pansy Division hit on me in front of Saint Semen, he might shut the fuck up and recognize my awesomeness.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Bill Cosby Set to Rock the Mic

My mind is racing with the awesome possibilites of this project. From Allhiphop.com:
Bill Cosby - a staunch critic of some rap music - is set to release a Hip-Hop album called State of Emergency, which will be a sanitized, issue-oriented CD.
Sources told AllHipHop.com that the actor, comedian and philanthropist will address issues like proper parenting, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, Black-on-Black crime and the dropout rate in America's high schools.
In 2004, Cosby said in a speech, "Your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other [the N-word] as they're walking up and down the street. They think they're hip. They can't read. They can't write. They're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere."
Cosby's album will not contain any profane language, nor will it offer any denigrating comments towards women.
Whether or not Cosby will work with rappers on his lyrical flow or his musical selection was not known at press time.
Look, I'm against most of the garbage called hip hop these days but I have a feeling Lupe Fiasco will do far more good than Bill Cosby. I have a feeling it's gonna sound something like this.

Oh, Shit! We Just Went Passed 100!

I spaced. Sorry, but I go off. To celebrate. Here is a video of the coolest group out right now...THE LEN PRICE 3!