Astros Spring Training Update

Spring training is already underway and we already have some pretty interesting story lines to follow:
Brad Lidge and Troy Patton (traded this winter) are injured. HAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess Wade knew what the fuck he was doing with that trade. It's not as brilliant as the Rangers unloading Eric "Even Steroids Couldn't Help Me" Gagne to the Red Sox.
Chris Sampson has lost his almost assured spot in the starting rotation to Shawn Chacon. I think that's kinda weak. Who knows which Chacon will be pitching for the Astros when camp break: the one who is effective or the one who is a fucking train wreck.
Hunter Pence went Sid Vicious on a sliding door hopping out of the hot tub with "a friend." He says he was going to use the toilet but I think Pence was running for some rubbers. Way to go, kid.
Both Brandon Backe and Lance Berkman have suffered some minor injuries. Just what we need! Berkman fucked up and a key element to our rotation already Barbaro'd out of the gate.
The Roidcket is fucked. The House has recommended an Department of Justice investigation. Say hi to Marion Jones, bitch!
Koby Clemens, for some reason, is still with the club.
Wandy Rodriguez still will probably act like a cunt when he doesn't get the call he wants. Seriously, if this kid wasn't a lefty, he wouldn't be in the major leagues.
And let's end this on a positive note: Roy Oswalt's presence will probably negate the shittiness of Woody Williams.