Apparently, Maxim magazine, the quasi-porn for teens and lonely idiots that gets skanks to dress half naked and spout bullshit like, "I despise six-pack abs!" or "I really love a guy who drinks beer all day (not light beer), pulls dutch ovens on me and fucks for 2 seconds!" or "I don't care what a guy looks like. He's got to have personality to shag me!" apparently fakes music reviews. Or at least writes reviews based on hearing a single or unfinished track on a yet to be promoed release.
Keep in mind this is the same magazine who, until recently, lovingly employed quote whore Pete Hammond (find me a movie he didn't gush over and I'll buy you a bottle). Truly, a high standard for journalistic professionalism!
Look, any true music fan worth their weight in vinyl knows that 99% of reviews in glorified fashion rags like Rolling Stone, Spin, Blender and even NME are just flaccid plugs for the record companies who spend so much coin keeping the mags alive. Let's face it, rock journalism is at a complete standstill. There is nothing new or innovative coming from assclowns like Rob Sheffield so all most people are left with are cautiously biting reviews that never recieve below 2 stars (I can't remember the last time I read Rolling Stone, and this was 5 or 6 years ago, when they didn't wreck a disc and gave it a less than favorable rating). When was the last time you actually read a thorough deconstruction of an album from a mainstream (or underground for that matter) publication?
It doesn't happen because there is no money in it. The payola bullshit keeps on a truckin' just so sheepish consumers (I have a handfull at work who point to Rolling Stone reviews asking where to find certain discs in the store) can purchase more garbage and keep the expense account flowing. Elvis forbid that bands actually have to go out there and EARN credibility or respect.
Spin a year or two ago did a piece on the best bands to see live and yet most of those groups have failed to yield a review in print. Is that not telling?
On the one hand, it doesn't really matter to the purists, those that truly love music, discover bands on their own or are turned on to new sonic glories by friends, that they are being fed bullshit because they know better. It's the general populace who are being robbed of truly great music because the artists in question are not what's "hot" or what their editors are telling them to "push" (believe me, this happens on all levels) due to current trends.
If you put your faith in these vultures, you deserve the latest Brittany Spears disc.
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