First off, I would've posted this info a few days ago but a power surger fucked my motherboard and I've been disconnected from the online world since Wednesday. I actually read a book and jerked off using only my imagination!
Anyhoo, I get off work and head to my locker to grab my backpack and clock out, check my phone and see a text message from my sister in my inbox and open it. It reads: "Be sure to tell the Dead Kennedy he can come on Saturday. Oh, and I'm pregnant!"
My instincts allow me to do one thing. Yell, "HOLY SHIT!" at the top of my lungs resulting in my fellow employees rushing to the break room to see if I am alright. Oh yes, I am.
I'm gonna be an uncle but more important, 8Bit is gonna be a dad. And A. Bitch (Chris, this was to be her pen name when she was gonna write for the zine so don't get raw) is gonna be a mom. Black Nathan has already said he will write a plea to 8Bit to not allow myself or my father to turn the kid into a Yanks or Sox fan. I could really care less right now since I'm so stoked to be an uncle. Even more stoked that my family will be welcoming another life into the clan.
This rules even more than A-Rod getting drilled in the wrist by the Red Sox today.
I wish the kid and the parents all the best and can only promise one thing for the still developing fetus:
1. You will not share my sister's musical taste. 8Bit will probably back me on this. The Indigo Girls fucking suck. We're gonna pump some Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys via headphone over my sis's gut!
Congratulations to two of the most important people in my life. Now when the grandparents start beefing on who gets to lavish attention on the kid the most, I'm stepping back. It's gonna be like the wedding trip and the near arm-wrestling challenge duels over who was picking up the bill except a child is involved this time. To quote Will Smith, "Shit just got real."