Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the fact that I'm spending the holidays in retail hell with the dregs of humanity or maybe it's just that time in my lunar cycle that I've been jamming the Cumshots a lot lately. While I'm at work, I get "Praying for Cancer" stuck in my head pretty often. Well, the first line at least. I'm not that narcissistic to claim the whole song as a mantra.
Anyhoo, frontman Max Cargo (also named "Norway's Sexiest Man" by Elle a few years back) has unleashed a new debauched diatribe about his testicles on the Cumshots website. And, while I might not agree with him about ladies and my child bearers, it's still a pretty epic and prolific statement on the purity and importance of repsecting the sperm factories.* Here's a snippet:
This first, and probably most important, lesson is for all you girls out there. During sex (god forbid), don't grab my balls. Got that ? Stay the fuck away from my balls. I can't emphasise this enough. Before even licking my balls you need to have earned the respect of the balls. This takes time. Serious time. Probably months of intense fucking, and even then you have to ask the owner (me) to ask the balls if it's ok. The balls will then talk to my penis who'll surly deny the request, but at least it's now in the system, and in a few months you MAY be allowed a short visit to planet scrotum.
Truly, breathtaking and so poetic. With all of the shit this band talks it's actually kind of funny to see that their singer has such exclusive standards for fucking.
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