Thursday, November 13, 2008

I LIVE for Schadenfreude. At Least When it Concerns Chubby Goth Twihard Fans!

Oh man. I must have watched this video like 20 fucking times in a row. I'm not joking. And I found this while perusing Fangoria of all places? Look, Tony Timpone, I know your mag is really lagging in readership (Rue Morgue has been vastly superior to Fango since their first issue) and you have to cover whatever shit sandwich Lions Gate dumps out like its the second coming of Romero but...Twilight? Come the fuck on. The only reason I flip through your mag anymore on my lunch break is to see the spoiler gore shots and since you're gonna go ahead and jump on the tween gravy train I'm just gonna have to stop. That movie has about as much to do with the horror genre (I don't give a fuck if vampires are involved) as George W. does with Mensa.
Anyhoo, let's get back to matter at hand. Laughing at future Torrid shoppers who got fucked out of shooting their T.V. eye's on the star of what Film Drunk has dubbed Dawson's Crypt.

Wow, so your birthday is ruined because you didn't get to spend a nanosecond with some limey douche with stupid hair who is playing a FICTIONAL CHARACTER that gets your twat thumpin'? It's not like you were gonna hang out for half an hour whilst sipping latte's with the gent and discussing his craft and then he would whisk you away to recreate the "epic" (and by Bog, do I even feel sick typing that word despite the quotation marks) romance that has enthralled your pre-pubescent mind.
Oh, and what the fuck is up with the guy who punched his window out? They never really make it clear if he was there to get some shit signed, checking out underage gash or what. That probably made me laugh the hardest. Punching a fucking window out? It's not like Daniel-san just whooped up on the Cobra Kai you just missed out on some tween star scribbling on a t-shirt. Keep entertaining me like this Twihard fans and I'll keep the Hounds of Hell at bay a little longer.

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