Saturday, November 29, 2008

I Must be Drunk...I'm Kinda Siding with Axl on this One

Now, don't think for a second that I enjoyed ANY bit of the decade-plus festering piece of shit that is called Chinese Democracy. Shit was weak and Axl needs to just give the fuck up. Or at least quit issuing utter garbage that would make Tay Zonday cringe under the name Guns 'N' Roses. It was way worse than Duff's cover of Johnny Thunders' "You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory" which is very impressive (remember the improv line, "Oh, Johnny. I wanna put MY arms around YOUR memory.")
From The Most God Awful Music Magazine in Existence:
According to Axl Rose’s lawyer, Alan S. Gutman, things went terribly wrong: Yesterday he sent a letter to Dr Pepper CEO Larry Young saying that the soda company’s Website crashed and that “the redemption scheme your company clumsily implemented for this offer was an unmitigated disaster which defrauded consumers and, in the eyes of vocal fans, ‘ruined’ the day of Chinese Democracy’s release”.
Really, dickhead? The worst part about that day was the fact that Axl finally released the fucking thing and confirmed that he is absolutely fucking daft. Really, the only bright point of the event was that we all could score a free Dr. Pepper and it sucks that the thirsty, cheap folks who got fucked by the website didn't get their soda. In reality, Axl should've given us all free hummers for making his fans wait 15 years for a dated, terrible and fucking boring album. I'd rather listen to the Jonas Brothers than suffer through Chinese Democracy one more time. And while we're on the subject of retribution, I hope somebody paid Chuck Klosterman a shitload of cash (or at least bought a gazillion copies of his novel) to write such a pussified, Rolling Stone-style review. How in the fuck do you even rate any of the songs on this aural abortion "astonishing?" I just don't see the logic in classifying a review of this very real item as akin to reviewing a "unicorn."
Oh, and hey, it gets better. This is how the letter concludes.
"Rest assured, this misappropriation will not be free.”
What? Are the labels trying to recoupt the loss on this fucking thing or does William need a few more hair-plug dread extensions and botox injections? Look, Dr. Pepper fucking up by not giving "everyone in America" a free can of soda is nothing to sue for damages over. Just make 'em pony up for all the bitching dipshits who can't spare 50 cents (I don't give a fuck what the economy is like now. If you can get online to bitch about a fucking freebie giveaway, you can afford your own damn can of pop) but leave the threatening bullshit out of it. Or at least, quit milking the incident to drum up publicity for an album 99% of the people who cared about have already heard and the rest of the world who just wanna jam Appetite for Destruction and nothing else.

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