Happy Birthday, Black Nathan

Everyone who writes here love Black Nathan, for better or worse. He is, quite frankly, one of the most caustic motherfuckers I have ever met in my life. A true bastard in every sense of the word who seemingly lives only to piss off to the brink of violence anyone he comes into contact with.
And that is primarily why I adore him. Nathan doesn't give a fuck about telling you off if you try to edge your way into a conversation he's engaged in. He'll tell you to go kill yourself during that attempt and then he will surely drop some random, geek bomb of knowledge on you in an effort to make you feel inane and small. Because, in Nathan's mind, you're too fucking stupid to know who shaved the ball hairs of Kurosawa during Ran and should have never tried to talk to him in the first place. And this son of a bitch who proudly sports t-shirts that read "Just researching my novel" knows it will only enrage and confuse you.
This man, now of 28 years, exemplifies one of my favorite Charles Bukowski quotes.
From Barfly:
Jane: I hate people. Do you hate people?
Chinaski: No, but I seem to feel better when they're not around.
For better or worse (usually, the latter you ginger Vikings appologist), I love you brother. Despite your hatred for the Red Sox.

Couldn't You Have Gone for Drayton, Shawn?

Whoah. Shawn Chacon had been pretty upset with the Astros lately after being moved to the bullpen. It all culminated in Chacon throwing GM Ed Wade to the ground yesterday and now he is suspended indefinitely by the Astros.
From Astros.com:
"He started yelling and cussing," Chacon told the Chronicle. "I'm sitting there and I said to him very calmly, 'Ed, you need to stop yelling at me. Then I stood up and said, 'You better stop yelling at me.' I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling and stuff and was like, 'You need to ... look in the mirror.' So at that point I lost my cool and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him because at that point I wanted to beat his (ed note: I'm not going to use the alternate, newpaper friendly word here) ass ... Words were exchanged."
Don't worry about him though. If Milton Bradley (wife beater), Elijah Dukes (Gatorade hurler), Jeff Kent (hates black people), or Brett Myers (another wife beater) can still find employment in the major leagues then Shawn should have no problem getting on another club.
Of course, it's fair to share the blame with Ed Wade on this one. Even after Chacon refused to go into the manager's office he shouldn't have unleashed the fury in front of the rest of the team. He should have gone and gotten Coop, but, after Shawn's little bitch fit with the pitching coach maybe this whole sorry mess would've happened no matter what. Hey, at least our rotation sucks a little less now!

R.I.P. George Carlin

You will be missed. Let's hope comics get angry again. Lord knows there's enough out there to be pissed off about. Shit, some people are JUST getting around to recycling Bill Hicks material. And hey, Denis Leary isn't even one of them!

FUCK, YEAH!

That's it. Europe is no longer a band you can cover. After having headbanging cellists rock it and now the Toy Dolls, "The Final Countdown" is now off limits. Holy shit, this is inspired.

Jay Debauchery is Fucking Ill

I feel like Mary-Kate Olson right now. You know, huge fucking head and no body underneath. I'm sick as shit and it all hit me over the weekend. I think it's the Yankees fault. Yeah, let's go with that.
This is why the posts have been so poorly written (at least by my non-standards) and random. All kidding aside, I do want to collapse right now and never wake up. Yeah, it's only a wicked cold but in the summer time coupled with Houston humidity it feels like death. There will be lack of content until I can get straight. But do not worry, the Dead Kennedy is on his way over with magic green tea (not the kind Willie Nelson digs) and Emergen-C. 'Til that happens, I'm gonna sweat it out on the couch.

Fuck You, Drayton Mclane

After jacking up ticket prices for the depressing series agains the Evil Empire you just had to stick up your second middle finger in the faces of every loyal Astros fan. You had to stock the rival team's merchandise in our house. Fuck you, stick to groceries and please free our team from your idiocy.
Purpura, man, that is my argument. Oh and how about pushing Hunsicker out? Huh, what are the Ray's doing now? Yeah, you know how to run a ballclub as well as I know how erase the 2005 World Series.
You want this team to be a champion today, cocksucker? Quit kissing Selig's ass for starters. How about learning from Theo Epstein or even trying to push our tenative (I'm using that as a complement) fans to act like they live in a real baseball town? So many Pettite and Clemens jersey's circa 2005 on display Sunday.
You will never see Cubs hats on the concourse in St. Louis or an A-Rod jersey for sale on Yawkey Way. But, you know, we've got fans that come to games in Blue Jays and Reds hats when neither team is playing. It's still disgusting for you to rake cash from rival fans in your team's stadium.
As much as I love the Astros, I'm so happy to have passed on re-upping my season tickets. Sure, I want to watch the games and root for the team but if it means lining your pockets any further then I hope you and Bud Adams take a plane ride with an Uruguayan football club real soon.

Whoa. I'm a Prognosticator!

So after the bullshit Gomes and Co. pulled on the Red Sox centerfielder named after a cereal, I wrote, "I hope Papelbon takes their fucking heads off next time they meet." Looks like it's gonna happen!
From ESPN.com:
"In my opinion, it is a bunch of bull what they did," Papelbon said on "Mohegan Sun Sports Tonight" on Comcast Sportsnet, referring to last week's brawl between the two teams. "All I got to say is what comes around goes around, man. Payback's a b----, I'll tell you what.In my opinion, and the way I feel right now, this thing isn't all settled and done," Papelbon said. "We still got to play them a few more times. And I know when we go into Tropicana things will be a little different than when went in there last time."
It's frightening that I can see into the future. And if I were any member of the Ray's, I'd be scared shitless. Papelbon is fucking bat-shit crazy and throws hard. Oh, and if he doesn't give a fuck that his dog ate the game ball from the last World Series how do you think he feels about throwing at people? Shit, he is so out of it he might just start hurling fastballs into the Ray's dugout. Ooh, let's hope I'm right again!