Saturday, December 29, 2007

Shoplifters of the World UNITE...to Improve Your Tastes

Apparently the sections that are most often victimized by shoplifters at work are: Manga Rap Religion and Sex
Yeah, it's pretty fucking obvious that the shoplifters of the world (this is based on corporate's study, after all) are idiotic scumbags who have no taste in media. At some point in time I understood stealing some porn but with the glory that is RedTube I fail to see the reason behind knicking a kama sutra book. Anyone with a chick cool enough to bust some of those positions (and I've had a couple. Thanks to my sis, by the way, for purchasing me a copy and to the 90 pound Irish girl who made some of the more physically improbable acts possible) would proudly walk the book up to the registers and never think to ask for a gift reciept. Manga? Well, I have no answer for that. I guess it's just people who dig the genre not wanting to admit they are losers for liking shitty versions of graphic novels. And religion is actually a shocker. The Bible is probably the most pilfered book known to man. If Joel Osteen was really a man of Bog (he is not but props to the asshole for creating the tax shelter by dropping "Jesus" every other millionth word) he would spend the collection plate to distribute his His tome to everyone who was curious. It's the rap section that troubles me. I love hip-hop but most of the people who swipe discs from the rap section are total fucking prats who I am actually glad are robbing from the labels that unleash audio cancer like Soulja Boy Tellum and 50 Cent onto the masses. I have never seen a sketch person spend 10 hours digging through the Jazz or Folk section (which are only slightly larger than the Rap one, which is about as wide as me laying down) with two friends getting their back. And if the thiefs were trying to steal something like It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, First Come First Served or even Check Your Head or the motherfucking CHRONIC I would happily turn the other way. But no, these dipshits want the Game's new album like it's the Gospel of modern music. And these guys aren't some Jean Valjean type motherfuckers desperate for a disc like they're a bum starving for an apple core. They're dickheads decked out in top fashion gear, trying to steal a record physically instead of doing it the smart way via the internet. I understand not everyone has a computer but can't these fucktards at least burn "Curtis" at the library and not make me waste my time watching their sorry selves for an hour until they remove the security sticker and stuff the product down their pants? Fuck it, all shoplifters come and talk to me, tell me what you want and I will not only burn that shit for you FOR FREE but will give you 10 additional discs filled with shit you should be listening to. Let's see how corporate responds to that idea! At least they'll dig on how I jooked the "loss prevention" stats in their favor.

1 comment:

WriteRightWriteRight said...

Ahahaha! I have The Bedside Kama Sutra, as well as The Complete Kama Sutra and Zen Sex. I guess you could say they're all stolen via some book club crap. They were stupid enough to send me books for free when i turned 18, with the expectation that I would browse them and send them back if I didn't want them. Ya, right!