Sunday, October 12, 2008

What the Fuck Ever: No One Cares, Axl

This is probably just another phantom release date, no doubt. Axl's never gonna release the fucking album and is anyone even anticipating it at this point? Music has moved beyond you, you ginger hair plug sportin' douche. But, for those who might feel a slight penile/clitoral twinge of excitement as positive G 'N' R news, here ya go. From
More than a decade after its conception, Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy” will finally see the light of day before year’s end, sources close to the situation confirms to Billboard. As first reported here, the set will be a Best Buy exclusive and will be available Sunday, Nov. 23, rather than the usual Tuesday.
Whoopdy fucking doo! A decade long clusterfuck might finally see the light of day right around Black Friday. People, let's give up the "Chinese Democracy" ghost. We've got a better chance of finding some lost Lennon demos than we do of hearing this hyped to death, futile and utterly meaningless record. Things have changed a bunch in music over the last decade and Axl Rose never screamed "timeless songwriter," especially when left to his own narcissistic desires. I love "Appetite for Destruction" but let's just admit it's a very dated album. It ain't "Pet Sounds" or "Astral Weeks." This is classic Phyrric Defeat via rock 'n' roll on display.
Oh, and why the fuck is this supposed release a Best Buy exclusive? Way to go, shit for brains. You jail people for leaking the disc, knowing some sad, Aqua Net loving motherfuckers are desperate to hear a 30 second iTunes snippet and eliminate a majority of the market? The Eagles pulled this shit last year and while they raked in cash, believe me, there were plenty of people who didn't feel like the trek to Wal-Mart was worth it (by the way, what happened to your whole Walden fetish, Henley? Fuck yourself).
Axl, I wrote this a few years ago and it pains me to have to write it again: go back to shooting heroin and punching supermodels or else just hang out with your emu's, bro.

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