Thursday, June 5, 2008

8Bit Gave Me a Heart Attack and Sent Me Drowning My Soul in Jameson to Fight Off Death

WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN? Wait, let me take another shot...whew...I'm good now.
Okay, will sports writers please stop conjuring stories up out of nothing just to get readers. We all know newspapers are a dying medium (if the last season of the Wire didn't hit it home enough then Microsoft's CEO's assessment should make it clear) but this shit is just getting out of hand.
There is plenty to write about concering ANY MLB team so when pompous ass columnists (note: does Deadspin ever pull shit like this? Fuck you, very much Bissinger) are bored and starved for inspiration they pull out the controversy card to get themselves on ESPN. Jay Marriotti made a career out of it. Now, Eric Wilbur joins the douchebag ranks.
He posits a theory that the Red Sox should conisder hiring Barry Bonds since Big Papi is on the DL and might miss the season. Oh, and let's not forget that EVERYONE involved with the Sox, including the injured player, see no reason for surgery or immediate panic. This is simply a case of someone with access and privelage to the team making mountains out of hills to spur readership. Believe me, if there were ever anyone rumblings about Bonds even farting in the direction of Boston, ESPN would've spent weeks working the non-story like CNN did with Jeremiah Wright. And since 8Bit's post on the subject, the Red Sox have come out saying, "That's a negatory, Ghostwriter" to that insane speculation. It makes no sense.
Why bring cancer into a healthy clubhouse? Theo Epstein and the entire organization are way to clever to fall for the quick fix. How did they get to the powerhouse positon they're at now (I've waited two decades to write that)? Drafting smart. They have scores of kids in Pawtuckett killing the ball and if Jacoby Ellsbury can't get full playing time because they're trotting Coco Crisp out as trade bait, then why not let the kid get some more knocks in? Anyways, Nancy still needs to work his way back and is starting to become steadily productive.
The point is, the Red Sox don't need to run out and sign a player who might start serving a sentence before the Fall season. They're built too deep in offense to be desperate enough to take on some fucktard who hates the city he would be playing for. It's a non-issue at this point, but the speculation and debate over this whole non-story does bring up an interesting point. How are you supposed to accept a former enemy as a member of your team? Sure, there is no historical beef between the Red Sox and Bonds but let's face it, he's probably still the most hated man in baseball. Of course in Boston, Clemens still reigns supreme.
Cubs fans are having to deal with this sort of akward embracing of a fan non-favorite as we speak everytime Jim Edmonds dons the uniform. The Big Bitch, Trapper and I discussed this during the Astros' recent homestand and could not fathom how just because a player changes uniforms, it can become so easy to forgive them for past transgressions against your team. I couldn't handle it if A-Rod ended up going to the Sox and so help me if Uncle Drayton EVER considered bringing on someone from the 2005 White Sox, there would be blood. Imagine Carlos Boozer in a Rockets jerzey next year. Yikes! The only team that seems to be comfortable with that whole shabang is the Yankees. Johnny Damon is in the other dugout during the greatest choke job in sports history but when he crosses the line fans are sporting "Welcome to New York, Johnny" t-shirts like nothing ever happened. The overall quandry here that comes with being a sports fan is ultimately having no control over the proceedings (well, unless you boo loud enough at an Astros game Drayton is at. Ask Tim Purpurra about how that works) and being given the choice of sticking by your team or abandoning them all together. We all know how hard it is to do the latter.
But with Bonds, it's an entirely different and understandable matter. The guy is a scumbag, a racist, a selfish twat who rarely showed any appreciation for the game even in his youth. Look back on the shit he pulled in college when he was voted off the team, then the coach re-instated him so as not to recieve another on the grass visit from Papa Bonds and his convertable during practice and tell me you would actually want this guy to don your team's colors. It says a lot when the lone area of the world you have rooters in doesn't want you back and is slowly removing the traces of your career in the stadium.
Bonds is done, the union can do whatever the fuck it wants trying to find him employment but the fact remains he is in the same pariah class as Rose, McGwire, Canseco, and now Clemens. Let's put these dumb rumors and speculations to rest for now and focus on the stories that do exist, like how is Daisuke doing on his rehab?

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