Thursday, January 17, 2008
How Norbit Made me Understand the Duality of Man
This is no bullshit post, here, brothers and sisters. I had a revelation the other night. I got home from work, took a shot, and sat down with In Search of Captain Zero (a brilliant fucking gonzo-surfer cum drug smuggler book), but I just couldn't concentrate on the thing. You see, I still had shit running through my head that I couldn't purge thus making it possible to entirely focus on this batshit crazy memoir. I did what I usually do in those instances: turn on the TV. I've found over the years that if I consciously try to absorb two things at once the one more deserving of my interest will win out. This is the reason why I watch so much Celebreality while reading. I scanned the channels looking for something that would feed my lust for lame pop-culture excess, disgusting so rapidly that I could thrust myself back into the aforementioned literary triumph. But it was odd. There was no bullshit on the basic channels so I skipped on over to cable and BAM...there was Norbit. My salvation. I clicked on the channel, sparked a Camel Light and cracked the spine of my book. But then Thandie Newton appeared on screen. I kinda have a thing for the chick even though she has done fuck all with her career aside from Gridlock'd (a very underrated junkie movie and overall fuck you to the public health system). Yet, I find myself drawn to her presence. It's as inexplicable as much as my willingness to defend the back end of Liz Phair's catalog. I attempt to dig back into the tome but my viddies keep creeping onto the screen so often I end up just saying fuck it and end up watching (cumulatively) 15 minutes of an absolute disgrace to mankind. At some point, Thandie appeared in a bikini at a swim park and I was transfixed to the television...while she was sitting next to Eddie Murphy decked out like Madea had eaten 20 Star Jones' and in a snug two piece. And that's when it hit me. My personal and collective unconsciousness' said "Bang! It's war!" I called up brother and told him I'd figured out the "Jung-ian thing" as Private Joker calls it. I was at once sporting a semi while simultaneously wanting to vomit my guts out until nothing was left but bile. To be at once entranced and sickened is a truly awesome feeling but in the end all I learned was that I should just read in my study with Pet Sounds on in the background. Still, I am progressing.