Monday, January 14, 2008

mAss Effect. Now With More Sodomy...

If you thought the last conservative reaction to Mass Effect's incredibly tame sex scene was hilarious, then prepare to have your sides literally burst at the seams with Kevin McCullough, a blogger who has accused Mass Effect of allowing teenage boys to practice sodomy in the game. While I didn't want to focus on people like this again for a while, I had to share the latest insanity with you, it's too good to pass up:
It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players … to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of …
… And because of the digital chip age in which we live - “Mass Effect” can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.
I would pay $100 for the version of Mass Effect he played. $200. Come on BioWare, cough it up. Of course the version of the game McCullough played doesn't exist, mainly because he obviously didn't touch the game. I am assuming he saw the article on Cybercast, seeing as in terms of video game blogs Mass Effect isn't exactly in the spotlight at the moment, and pounced on it in order to prove how important the issue of game censorship should be to the current crop of presidential hopefuls.
That the man rants for two pages about a game that he didn't even bother to read up on is completely amazing to me. What's more amazing is that this asshat has his own book out, and it isn't called "Rambling On About Shit I Know Nothing About." I'm thinking that was the original title and his publisher thought it was too edgy. Yes, I am being a bit harsh, but come on.
Um? "Digital chip" age? "Hump in every form?" Were we playing the same Mass Effect? Because I don't remember it being the videogame equivalent of a Russ Meyer movie. I wish it was, I might have actually enjoyed it. If "the most realistic sex acts ever conceived," involve five seconds of fumbling with a blue alien, then on what planet have I actually been living for the past thirty years?
Are people really like this in the year 2008? Back when the Earth was thought to be flat, one could imagine multitudes of ignorant, uneducated paupers being frightened of sex, technology and their own shadow, but the fact that people still feel like this is somewhat worrying. You think the human race has evolved, and it can't even handle sex in a videogame without displaying its immaturity. Still, this man gets points for being absolutely hilarious. Sodomy indeed. Of the cerebral cortex.
I can't go on. Seriously. Go read the article and see for yourself. Complete and utter propagandizing bullshit. The sad thing? You just know someone reading it is going to buy it hook, line, and sinker. Sadness.
And as usual... and props to (great site btw...) for calling this douchebag out for the attention grabbing shill of a "reporter" that he is.
Here is a Russ Meyer gem for your viewing pleasure (or displeasure, perhaps.) As a point of reference, I give you: Mondo Topless!!!

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