Tuesday, January 8, 2008

You Want it 8Bit, You Got It

If you don't want to read the entire rant (and I'm sure some of you will. Hi Julie!) here is the bottom line:
Roger Clemens is an absolute piece of shit and I hope he spends an eternity getting DBDA'd (if you can't figure out why "B" has replaced "V" then...) by Hitler, Malcolm McClaren, Ike Turner and Ty Cobb.
You see, O.J. didn't even stoop as low as the Roidcket did Monday with that fucking evil, exploitative and vicious phone call. Man, that really says something about the character of the motherfucker trying to champion morality and ethics, but above all, the truth. But what Chris Rock said about the Juice applies equally to Clemens, "I'm not saying he should've killed 'em...but I understand."
If I was in number 22's shoes I'd be going down swinging, too. But I also wouldn't act like a total shitbird to someone who was desperately trying to make right with me. That's what I heard in McNamee's 18 minute (fuckin' A right I listened to the whole thing) phone call with his fake friend on the other end. It was infuriating. Sure, McNamee didn't seem like he was squeaky clean when he kept asking, "What do you want me to do?" but then again this is a guy who has a checkered past with the law. That doesn't make him a saint but it certainly doesn't make him seem like a bullshit liar spinning stories for the Feds. Follow the paper trail and you'll see that McNamee was more than helpful in alerting Roger's camp to the coming storm. For Clemens to throw someone who is obviously eroding on the inside after doing the right thing which was the wrong thing (for #22) to someone he really cares about and admires is worse than kicking puppies.
I think we've all had those brutal, over-emotional and heartfelt conversations in the past when we were grasping at straws to save a friendship. Think back to your own and imagine if the person on the other line were to be coached along by their dickpig lawyers, speak with total insincerity while feigning concern, and then unleashed it on the world in a pathetic and desperate attempt to display you as the King of All Fuck-Ups. It's just disgusting.
Maybe the silver lining in this whole shabang is that even the doubters are now finally able to see Roger Clemens as he always has been: a self-serving mercenary. A sycophantic asshole. A bully who will use whatever tools, be they financial or physical or chemical, to bury an opponent. And doesn't that just sum up America?
You want an inch of respect, Rocket? You were given 10 feet but chose to sit on your ass while having your legal team carefully orchestrate this whole fiasco that has now blown up in your fucking face. The more you try to scrub off the stain on your forever tarnished image the more we see that you are only trying to kid yourself. Did anybody else hear Dan Patrick on Monday talk about how Clemens' attorney's administered their own lie-detector test that he bombed? It's all going to come out and if you had just done the honorable thing like your boyfriend Pettitte did (I don't believe he only used HGH twice, however) none of this would be happening. Even the Steinbrenner's want nothing more to do with you, bro.
That chopped to shit interview on 60 Minutes where you said, "Guilty before proven innocent?" Man, you should've stepped back for a second and realised that this country eagerly desires honesty and is willing to forgive its politicians, celebrities, and athletes when they own up and admit they fucked up. Marion Jones isn't getting the same grief as you now is she? And it's because she told the truth.
That's all you had to do, Roger, but your ego got in the way. Fuck you. J

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